In the spring of 1994, Dick Nixon reportedly became deeply, destructively obsessed with Blur’s “Girls & Boys.”
While music critics were busy dissecting the track as a commentary on Eurotrash youth culture and shifting social norms, Nixon approached the song from a purely administrative standpoint, famously labeling it “an avoidable organizational problem.”
According to Hollywood executive and alleged Eurotrash enthusiast Buzz Feldman, the former president spent several consecutive evenings locked in his study with a yellow legal pad and a pack of colored pencils, attempting to map out the lyrics.
“The issue is not the participants,” Nixon allegedly told Feldman during a late-night phone call. “The issue is determining the reporting structure.”
Western White House aides from the era recalled Nixon frantically drawing arrows between the words girls and boys, repeatedly tearing off sheets of yellow legal paper, erasing his work, and starting over from scratch.
Ever the opportunist, super agent Hank Kissinger attempted to monetize the obsession, quietly shopping a lecture tour entitled Operational Definitions: Understanding Blur. According to promotional materials, Kissinger pitched prospective sponsors with a simple hook:
“Britain has given us a problem. Richard has given us a flowchart.”
The project was quietly shelved several weeks later. Nixon ultimately abandoned the legal pads, concluding that the song’s narrator had “fundamentally failed to establish a coherent chain of command.”
Nonetheless, persistent rumors maintain that throughout 1994, Dick Nixon enthusiastically performed “Girls & Boys” during Karaoke Night at the Western White House, reportedly pausing after each chorus to remind the audience that “organizational clarity remains essential.”